A haircut in Kokura...

...uh-oh, it's that time of the decade again, chop, chop! When it comes to my hair, I'm pretty nonchalant, as I am about a lot of things, and leave it to grow until I have more split ends than Tarzan after a bitch fight. Then, I decide I want something really different and these images of the perfect haircut kick in and I begin to daydream...

first comes a serious consultation with a professional salon owning semi-famous hair-cutting genious. Computer generated images of my head line the walls donning various haircuts, the slightly camp silk-shirted chopper standing over me and viewing my head from every angle before working out through cosmic vibes and telepathy exactly which haircut would be the most perfect my head was capable of sporting. The, he gingerly plucks some dainty scissors and minces around delicately before doing a "reveal" to a massive fanfare and applause. My hair, of course, looking as though it could start revolutions and take on anyone in a fight.

Does this perfect haircut exist? I haven't found it yet. I've been in Kokura or nine months now and I have had three haircuts, one for 5,000 Yen (25 quid...) and two from the same place which does a cut for 3,100 each time. So, I went back to the latter for the second time on Friday night, planning to leave for Osaka the next morning with a bonce of shiny, razor sharp hair.
Because the hairdressers I have been to so far always look so nervous about cutting my barnet, I took some pictures from the internet-nothing challenging-just a wispy, messy affair with a sultry fringe so I could get away with the "out of bed" look on a daily basis.

However, the salon shoved the guy who cut it last time towards me ("Eh up, special case just walked in, do it again will you, son?") and he looked mightily confused about the photos I had. In the end, he said "OK!" but then came back with a catalogue full of Japanese haircuts. This guy is a hairdresser and should know that Japanese hair is nothing like some Western hair-mine is too flouncy and thin, and Japanese women always get theirs thinned which looks good for them, but that kind of style on me would be mullet-city, and nobody wants to visit that place...

I'd just like to add that you get a top-notch run-up service here to your cut. As they wash your hair, they place a mask over your face, which, though freaky at first, is actually extremely relaxing and saves you the whole "So. What you up to tonight, then?" banter (although langauge barrier also helps on that front). Then, they massage your head as they wash your hair, and while you're getting a cut they pass you a killer telephone-directory thickness magazine to look through, unlike the old "OI! Keep your head still and look straight ahead!" syndrome back home.

Anyway, I just pointed at my pics again and the chap went in for the chop. I got pretty fed up at one point, as my bonce started to resemble a big, flat mushroom as he just wouldn't cut edges into it. Finally, I insisted he go shorter and get out the razor scissors, but it took a lot of cajoling.

Then, he ponced around trying to arrange it nicely on the crown of my head, brandishing the hairspray like the world was about to run out. I made a quick escape, left a tip and said "thanks", etc... but he then either said when I next come back to a.) Learn some Japanese (fair play to him, actually...) or bring a picture of a Japanese haircut!!! AAaaah! Talk about going around in a circle. So, an easy solution...no haircuts for me until Blighty I see!